Daily Sage is given choices like: Do you want to listen or do you want to go and sit on your bed? Never once has she chosen to go sit on her bed, but none-the-less has ended up on her bed because she just didn't want to listen. I guess that is a choice in and of itself. Anyway, I can't remember a time when I too fell subject to the consequence. That is, the time-outs, while draining and tireless, don't really impact me. But tonight we were at church visiting and bringing dinner to Ryan and Sage decided she didn't really want to listen to anything I was saying. I politely told her that if she didn't want to listen that we could hop back in the jogger and go home -- AND -- I must add, I told her that it was no problem to do just that! Sage continued to do what 3 year-old do: push the limits and test the waters. It finally came to an end when, after already consuming one cookie, I said, "no more," and she turned around and grabbed another one and didn't really relinquish the cookie until I pried it from her hands. She made the decision then to go home. But I wasn't quite ready for that decision. Here we had packed up dinner, walked up to church, were visiting with other people, hanging out and having a good time and after just 15 minutes we were just going to go home? But why say anything at all if I wasn't going to follow through? So, I loaded the kids back in the jogger and walked home, smiling politely at the other people out walking on the street staring at my hysterical child. The struggle didn't end until she finally fell asleep. This can only be the beginning of sharing consequences with my child. Or maybe I need to rethink my consequences. No answers here. Just pure exhaustion from a hard days' work.
7 comments:
Oh my... those are fun days. I think you did the right thing! We must follow through, or they will walk all over us. BUT we also must make sure we are willing to follow through with those consequences. You made a hard choice, but she will remember that... I hope!
Sorry about the rough night Amber, but you are an awesome mom and you definitely did what you had to do. We will have our time to chit chat and catch up. Maybe we could plan something with Cory sometime soon.
I hear you, sister! I remember recently giving Amber Shea a "threat" that I knew I couldn't follow through with. Eric was going to watch little Wences one night so Laurisa & I could go shopping for the women's retreat pajama party. I said, "If you don't take your nap, Wences will not be able to come over to play with you tonight." As soon as I said it, I thought, "Oh great, she better take her nap now because Wences is coming over no matter what." She took her nap and I was saved, BUT I learned a valuable lesson that day...don't dole out consequences you can't follow through with.
BTW, Good job on following through, Amber!
Yes, Amber, I also applaud you!! You did what we need to do, follow through, do what we say we will do. It was the harder choice, by far, but definitely the better choice. I have learned (and still am learning) this lesson the hard way...but before giving a consequence, I take a deep breath and think, "Will this be shooting MYSELF in the foot?" And sometimes the best consequence unfortunately, has consequences for me also. However, sometimes, it forces me to be VERY creative with consequences.
Hey Amber...There was no place on this blog to list a general comment, but I wanted you to know that you are an AWESOME writer. I haven't been reading your blog very much lately, so I read tons of stories in the archives just now...It's addicting. The stuff you write about is so funny and good and REAL. I love that. So, I will be going to your blog more often (especially when my computer is back.)
I remember mom saying when we were grounded was grounded too.....I will bet that Sage will know you mean business the next timeyou say no, and the next time you say may keep her from a lot more harm than one more cookie.
I am just beginning the long journey of discipline and it's very difficult. Thank you for your life, it is very encouraging.
Love G
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