As a child I used to fear and envision my parents dying. My heart would race, my ears would ring and my eyes would well up with tears over a death that hadn't even occurred and yet it felt so real.
Tonight Sage and I conversed about death, getting old and being buried under trees (dogs). Of course, it started out innocent -- well, innocent enough. But by the end of the conversation she was in tears, gripping me, pleading, "But, mommy, I don't want you to die because I love you so much and I would miss you!" She did tell me through her tears that at least I would be with Jesus. I tried to comfort her and explain that mommy is here now. Then, after 10 minutes or so, I gently steered the conversation toward a happier topic. That lasted a few seconds and then it was Aspen who was going to be sad when Sage died because Sage is going to get old and die because we die when we get old. I finally held her tightly and decided we needed to pray and have a conversation with Jesus about death.
Dear Jesus, thank you that we are living today and we pray that we get to be part of each others lives for a really long time. Please keep us safe and help us to sleep well tonight and not have bad dreams. Amen.
Sage's heart raced and the tears flowed over a death that has not yet occurred. And I held her tight and told her over and over again that mommy is here right now, and prayed, in my own quiet thoughts, for God to allow to be around to see her accept her high school diploma, see her walk down the aisle to the man she will marry and be around to cuddle the babies she might one day have. Heavy is the heart of a mom, especially on days like this one.
6 comments:
Aw, that definitely brought me to tears just now as I was reading that.
I am crying now too...
How blessed I am to have my parents still alive and be able to hold grand-kids. Life, how precious it is.
Of course I am crying too. Thanks for talking about death and not being afraid to. It is a very sobering fact of life.
I cried with your blog, as we have been talking a lot of about heaven lately with Abby. She wants Papa to come and visit her new house and wants him to be her friend. Of course I am fighting my own tears as I try to explain it all with out making her cry.
You did such a good job talking it through. Let me know when you want to sit down with Abby.
Wow. I don't know what to say. I am kind-of dreading that conversation with my kids. Amber Shea talks about dying, but I don't think she knows what it means. She knows she can't leave little toys around when Autumn is awake or she might swallow them and "choke and die." But does she really know what that means? Good job in talking with Sage and just holding her and letting her cry.
Oh my gosh! I'm crying! I could only imagine what that conversation was like in person.
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