Homemaker

Last night Sage was missing her daddy and was asking his whereabouts and I explained that daddy was working. Then she thought for a few minutes and asked, "Where do you work Mama?" I was a little caught off guard since this is the first time she has asked me this. "Well," I start to answer, "um ... mommy works in our house and takes care of you girls, and ..." I couldn't think of anything else to say after that. Is there a correct stay-at-home mom definition?

A homemaker is a person whose prime occupation is to care for their family and/or home; the term is originally an Americanism, and while it has entered mainstream English, it is not in common usage outside the U.S. Finding a term to describe the modern man or woman who has left the paid workforce to care for their family is problematic. The term homemaker is used in preference to either housewife or househusband because it is inclusive, defines the role in terms of activities, rather than relation to another, and is independent of marital status.
-Wikipedia.com

When I was first dating Ryan I remember having many discussions about the role of a woman in the household. I could never visualize myself staying home with little kids, so I fought his ideal and stated that I would be the one bringing home the bacon. Looking back I can see that I must have looked down upon the role of a mother who chooses to stay home with her kids. Obviously I think much differently now that I have two little munchkins of my own.
Still, it seems like there is such a huge divide between the working mom and the stay-at-home-mom. It's like we are on different teams or something. We growl at each other and pass judgments like, "If she were home more often then her kids would behave better, "or, "All that those stay-at-home moms talk about are poopy diapers and time-outs." Even worse is when mom's on the same team pass judgment upon one another.
The role of a mom is complicated and specific to that woman, her children, her husband, her extended family, and so on and so forth. I guess that means that each us need to make up our very own definition of who we are and what our responsibilities involve. These general descriptions just don't do it. I have yet to write my own. What about you?

Memorial Day

I usually get all the 3-day weekend holidays/memorials confused. Maybe this is because I have never actually celebrated the true meaning of the day or done anything to remember those who have served and died for our country. This sounds bad, I know, but sometimes the truth isn't all that pretty. So, what's a person to do when they need to know something? Google it. So that's what I did and found out some pretty cool facts about Memorial Day:

• First observed on May 30, 1868
• Now celebrated on the last Monday in May in most states
• A day to honor those who have died serving our nation
• A National Moment of Remembrance asks us to informally observe this day in our own way at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day

Americans have opened nearly 1,000 new graves to bury U.S. troops killed in Iraq since Memorial Day a year ago. The figure is telling _ and expected to rise in coming months.

- STEVEN R. HURST , May 27, 2007

So, put your corn-on-the-cob down at 3 p.m. tomorrow and just think, for a moment, or even seconds, of the many lives lost and the many families who have been affected by those lost lives.

Fresh New Start

Wow, I feel like I went clothes shopping or something. I upgraded my templates through Blogger and have been given the freedom to edit many things about my blog that didn't used to be so easy. Ryan messes with all of that HTML stuff and I just ask him questions and become very confused. So, all this to say, it was time for a fresh look and I am glad it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. Happy blogging.

Update: Okay, so I thought I was totally happy with my changes, but I think I like the squished look over the stretched look. Ryan said it was too hard to read the stretched look. Hopefully I will keep this look for a while ....

Why?

"Why" is such a great word. Think about it. It bridges the gap between not knowing and knowing. Between confusion and answers. I guess Ryan used this word insistently until he was 14 or 15. That's what he told me anyway when I asked him how long he thought the "why" stage would last.

Sage entered the "why" stage a few weeks ago. It was pretty much overnight. All of a sudden I was telling her that "mommy has to go to the bathroom," and she was asking, "Why?" Yesterday I said, "Let's go outside and pick some lettuce," and she responded with, "Why?" And my favorite so far was this morning when I asked her to not ask mommy a question for a few minutes (it was before 7 a.m. and, well, I was tired) to which she responded, "Why?"

I haven't yet figured out my approach to this stage. I am answering most of the "why's," while others I just ignore because either she has moved on in her thought process or I have no brain cells left to actually respond. And sometimes I just ended up saying, "Because mommy said so." And that's my game plan so far. I'll let you know how it is working next week.

Consequences

Daily Sage is given choices like: Do you want to listen or do you want to go and sit on your bed? Never once has she chosen to go sit on her bed, but none-the-less has ended up on her bed because she just didn't want to listen. I guess that is a choice in and of itself. Anyway, I can't remember a time when I too fell subject to the consequence. That is, the time-outs, while draining and tireless, don't really impact me. But tonight we were at church visiting and bringing dinner to Ryan and Sage decided she didn't really want to listen to anything I was saying. I politely told her that if she didn't want to listen that we could hop back in the jogger and go home -- AND -- I must add, I told her that it was no problem to do just that! Sage continued to do what 3 year-old do: push the limits and test the waters. It finally came to an end when, after already consuming one cookie, I said, "no more," and she turned around and grabbed another one and didn't really relinquish the cookie until I pried it from her hands. She made the decision then to go home. But I wasn't quite ready for that decision. Here we had packed up dinner, walked up to church, were visiting with other people, hanging out and having a good time and after just 15 minutes we were just going to go home? But why say anything at all if I wasn't going to follow through? So, I loaded the kids back in the jogger and walked home, smiling politely at the other people out walking on the street staring at my hysterical child. The struggle didn't end until she finally fell asleep. This can only be the beginning of sharing consequences with my child. Or maybe I need to rethink my consequences. No answers here. Just pure exhaustion from a hard days' work.

Everlasting by Christine A. Hodge

Christine Hodge is a good friend of mine who wittingly writes of motherhood woes and joys. She has willingly accepted my offer to be a guest on my blog ... but soon enough I know she will be blogging on her own!

The other night I was talking with a friend of mine who has a daughter who just turned one year old. That day my friend had come to a rather sobering realization that just about everything she accomplishes today will most likely have to be done again tomorrow (the dishes, putting away toys, straightening up the house, the list goes on). She also was saddened (actually a little angry) that she does all of these things over and over every day without a "thank you" from her daughter (and often her husband). Of course, she knows that her little girl can't verbally express her gratitude toward her mommy, but sadly she also knows that her daughter most likely wouldn't say "thanks" even if she could.

As moms, we've all been there--or will be there at some point. We've felt over-worked and under-appreciated and all we want is a little pat on the back (okay, a BIG pat on the back, or a back massage). We also want to do something that will last for more than 24 hours. When I get my car washed and vacuumed, I often tell my family to be careful in the car for at least a few days. "I'd like to see something stay clean for more than a few hours," I tell them. So I got to thinking about what my friend said and I had a revelation of my own. There are things that we, as moms, do everyday that we won't have to do again tomorrow. There are things that we can do today that will last forever. And I'm not talking about making scrapbooks!

Every day we have the opportunity to positively impact another person's life. Not the grocery store clerk or your child's preschool teacher, but your child--that little one God has entrusted into your care. The time that we spend with our children will last more than 24 hours, and much of what we teach them today won't have to be repeated again tomorrow (unless they're learning to tie their shoes). That should give us a little bit of that sense of accomplishment that we crave so much.

When I first realized that I had the awesome responsibility of instructing my little girls, I have to admit I was worried. I thought that meant that I had to help them memorize a scripture verse every day and have them reading articles out of the Reader's Digest by age 5 (yes, my mother-in-law said her firstborn did just that!) But having the responsibility of teaching my children does not mean I have to sit them down every day with a lesson to learn. It just means that I sprinkle a little bit of the Bible onto their cereal as I mention that God made the cows that give us milk. It means that I mix a little bit of Maturity into their playtime when I encourage my daughters to share. It means that I add a little bit of Prayer to our walks when my toddler scrapes her knee and I ask God to help it feel better. And it means that I throw a bit of Education into our day when I answer my daughter's question about why dogs shake their bodies (actually I never did come up with that answer).

As moms, there are things that we do--some without even thinking--that we won't have to do again tomorrow. But enough about that, I have to go do the dishes.

Quotes

A friend taught me a quote the other day," My house is clean enough to be healthy but messy enough to be happy." This quote has stayed with me all week long. I am reading (or desperately trying to finish in less than a year) To love, honor and vacuum by Shela Wray Gregoire. Essentially, what I have taken away from the book so far, is that I am to look at what I have accomplished in any particular day as opposed to feeling guilty that once again the pile of clothes on the couch did not get folded and put away. So lately, when I see these messes at the end of the day, I try to ask myself a few questions ....

• Did I play with my kids?
• Did we have anybody over for lunch or dinner? (i.e. fellowship)
• Did I meet up with some other moms for a park date?
• Did I make some important phone calls?
• Did I feed my whole family breakfast, lunch & dinner?

Essentially, I am trying to ask myself at the end of the day if I am building God's kingdom or building my own kingdom. It is all a balancing act for me. Of course the bathrooms need to be scrubbed and the laundry fairy is never going to come, so yes, all of that falls on me. BUT, should I feel guilty if I didn't accomplish my cleaning agenda for the day? If messy is happy than I am going to go with a "no" on that one.

Long Pink Hair

Last night, as I was brushing Sage's hair after her bath, she noticed that her hair appeared straight. She said, "Look mama! My hair is so straight. Let's keep it straight." I had to laugh inside. She has no idea how many times I tried to "straighten" my hair ... wishing it would lay flat and shiny instead of frizz out and turn into a fro. My nickname in high school was "Fro Junior." Holly (my older sister) was "Fro." Those with straight hair want luscious curls and those with ringlets want nothing but to be able to comb through their hair w/out the aid of an entire bottle of conditioner. But the other night the girls had long, pink hair. No hot irons or hair-dye required! Check it out.

Baby Ducks

It has been an adventurous week -- as if every week is not an adventure in itself. We were waiting for our duck eggs to hatch and they did ... we found one just sitting by itself in the chicken coop on Tuesday evening, then another one the next evening. And then had to assist one of the ducklings out of its shell (Martha did this -- pretty bloody!) because the shell had become hardened from lack of moisture and too much heat. So, now we have 3 thriving baby ducks: Quackling (Sage's), Blackey (Mine) and Shelly (Aspen & Ryan's). Enjoy the pics.