Lately I have felt restless. That the is best word I can think of to describe my state. I have been excusing this feeling away by telling myself that it's summer and things are just a bit slower and less busy and so on and so forth. I find myself wanting to do everything and yet wanting to do nothing all in the same moment. There have even been moments of depression ... feeling down ... feeling lost.
When Henri Nouwen, chaplain of 9 years, was granted a 12-month sabbatical his first journal entry read ...
I have always dreamt about a whole year without appointments, meetings, lectures, travels, letters, and phone calls, a year completely open to let something radically new happen. But can I do it? Can I let go of all the things that make me feel useful and significant? I realize that I am quite addicted to being busy and experience a bit of withdrawal anxiety. I have to nail myself to a chair and control these wild impulses to get up again and become busy with whatever draws my attention.
I have not been making time to experience God in the "thin spots," ... that thin area where heaven and earth meet ... where God is fully present and realizable ... And like always I sit and wonder, "Why am I feeling like this?" instead of getting on my hands and knees and getting close to my creator who's cup truly fills my day (or should anyway). Our schedule has slowed down for the summer, and yet I find myself restless instead of rested.
1 comment:
I like your honesty. I hope you experience God in the thin spot. Call me if you want to talk more, or email. You know that's always good therapy. I love you!
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