My Nursery

2011-01-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

It's been two weeks since I have felt anything but congested. My cheekbones were literally pulsating. A sinus infection to bring in the New Year was not what I planned. Nor did I plan for the 5 extra pounds I gained because apparently even though I couldn't smell anything I still had enough sugary cravings to rummage through the girl's Christmas candy and eat a good amount of it. I didn't even ask permission. Horrible parent.

But today I can breathe and I've been off "meds" (ok, just your standard Sudaffed, nothing super fun) for 24 hours. And I mopped the floor. Because I haven't mopped it in a month or so and because it feels good to mop the floor once in a while.

2010-12-20T07:45:00.000-08:00

About this time each year I would get the infamous phone call from my dad and it would go something like this....

Dad: Amber! How's it going?
Me: Good dad. What's up? (I just asked that to be polite--I knew why he was calling)
Dad: So, uh, what do you and Ryan need for Christmas? What do the girls want?

You never asked for cash because that meant you only got $50 or so because he hated giving cash for Christmas. You see, Christmas was my dad's holiday. I don't even think he knew all of our birthdays, but on Christmas, it was like it was our birthday. And I learned at a very young age that Christmas was the time of year that you could pretty much ask for whatever you wanted and it would probably be given to you. Saddles, full size keyboards, ponies. It was magical at the age of 8 and was still magical at the age of 31. Yeah...there wasn't an age limit to when the BIG gifts stopped. The phone call was as much for me (even at 31) as it was for my girls.

Last year was my dad's last Christmas here on Earth. The cancer was taking it's toll around this time and even though my dad tried his hardest to go out shopping, he only made it to a few stores before he had to retire home and rest. I can only imagine how defeated he felt.

Of all the "firsts," this is the one I have been most dreading. I long for the phone call....long to hear his voice...long for something normal.

Thanks be to God for my siblings and step mom with whom I can laugh and cry at memories past and join together to honor what once was our dad's holiday and make it our own.

My dad was always and is more God's than he was ever mine, and this Christmas, he is in heaven, doing whatever it is they do up there. Living it up, I can only imagine.

2010-12-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

I used to be so comfortable singing in front of people and then one day I just wasn't. I don't know what changed --- getting older--insecurities--??
So basically I can sing my heart out in the shower and not miss a note (well, I'm sure Ryan would say differently), and I can sing to the girls without hesitation, but put me on a stage with lights and I shiver and quiver and kinda just want to puke ---especially if I'm gonna sing by myself and then my voice literally goes--like gone--poof-- and I sound like a mouse--squeak,squeak. My prayer always is that when I sing it would not be a distraction to others while they worship. I'm thinking my solo days are over because I seriously can't overcome the stage fright. New phases in life I guess. Gotta go with the punches.

2010-11-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

After this week things should settle down and mellow out.

I've said that so many times...and I used to believe it was true. But alas, it is not. Next week there will be something else and the next week something else and that is life, busy, busy, busy.

But I think I am getting better at enjoying the little things more...like sitting and watching a T.V. show with Aspen on my lap, amazed at how little her hands are still...chubby even. It does seem like time stops in those moments. I pray I would be more aware of those moments and take the time to engage in the present, not allowing my list maker mind move me past the moment and onto the busyness of tomorrow that has yet to arrive.

If only balance came in a bottle.

2010-10-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

I am created, not Creator.
I am redeemed, not Redeemer.

Simple enough to memorize, but sometimes too complex to imprint on my heart. But this morning I look around our home and I am put in place as created and redeemed.

We sit comfortably on gray leather couches (from mom) while watching our favorite shows on our big screen T.V. (from brother-in-law). My tea cups have a place to rest on little side tables, all thrift store purchased and refurbished by my mom. My bills live in a desk I used as a teenager, now stripped and stained to fit the look of our home.

My girls have bookshelves and a huge storage case, again thrift store purchased by my mom and repainted to fit their room. Our token pet, Beyonce the Bearded Dragon, was even gifted to us.

The bakers rack that houses our pantry items, a gift. The fridge, a gift. Our stove, a gift. Our kitchen table, kitchen desks, window side bench and corner storage unit, all gifts.

Our yard, filled with grass and plants and a beautiful patio, gifts.

Our trailer, a gift.

Items to fill the trailer for desert and lake trips, mostly all gifts.

I am sure I am forgetting many other gifts, but you get the point.

I am created, not Creator.
I am redeemed, not Redeemer.

2010-09-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't seemed to figure out where keeping the sabbath and stay at home mothering mingle. I mean, do I hang my mom, dishwasher, cook, crumb picker-upper, nose wiper, toilet bowl scrubber, office manager, home school teacher, wife hat on the coat rack and call that "sabbath?" No, no. It has to be more elegant than that. Maybe a stay at home mom's sabbath comes in spurts, like the length of a DVR'd show that I sneak a peak at while folding laundry. Or maybe it's a few hours here and there that Ryan takes the girls and leaves me to some peace and quiet. Maybe it's pulling out frozen Costco dinners that just need a few minutes in the microwave before consuming. Like most things God related, I have found that keeping the sabbath is a heart issue, not a specific set of rules to follow. I love this and despise this. A list would be easier to follow (for me, the anal list maker). But I gather I would feel no rest from following a list on how to keep the sabbath (counterproductive I think). Better to ask God, who knows me and all the hats I wear, what my sabbath should look like. I have a hunch he'll say...Costco pre-made dinner, ditch the mop and sponge, pick up a book and sit outside getting in a few nuggets of truth while watching your girls swing on the rope swing.

2010-09-22T07:59:00.001-07:00

I am training to run the SB 1/2 Marathon on 11/6. It was either that or sit on the couch and eat bon bons and get fat. A little extreme, I know. But I couldn't handle Tony anymore (aka P90X) and I couldn't seem to motivate myself to workout without some type of goal.

So I am one week into training which included two 4 mile runs, one 2 mile run and one 6 mile run and I have to admit that I feel a little old. I think I underestimated how long ago I trained for the L.A. Marathon, and how, coincidentally, much older that makes me (7 yrs). And I really haven't been on any type of running plan for 1.5 yrs since my discovery of P90X. Long story short, I am feeling it. But it's good to get out and run again, despite my aches and pains.

2010-09-10T05:42:00.001-07:00

This will be the year of firsts, is what the people in this special club tell me. How do you join this club? Just have your heart ripped out by losing someone near and dear to you to whatever type of death came his or her way. I told God a while ago that I wanted to rescind my membership...get a refund and go back to life as it once was. Apparently there are no refunds.

Today marks a painful first. My dad's 8th grandchild that he never got to meet will be born at any moment. The grandkids were his life....so this is especially sad.

These are the moments when I wonder about heaven and what goes on up there. Can my dad see and watch what is going on down here? My finite mind says No. My faith in God says Yes.

Here's to another first. Here's to more crying and wrenching of my soul and heart. Here's to being stretched in ways I never really wanted to, and still don't want to.

Lily Leanne, I am so sorry you never got to meet Papa. He would have spoiled you rotten, as he did all the other grandkids.

2010-09-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

In February Ryan got me an iPhone. I pretty much used it to text and make phone calls. No apps. No real iPod usage. Just the bare bone basics. Kind of a waste of money. Life was too busy. I didn't have time to go through the 13 GB of music he had downloaded into my iTunes library to decide what I wanted or not.
But, it's 7 months later, and I was tired of Sage asking,"Mom, can we listen to 'If I were a boy?'" and me saying, Nope, that's on dad's phone.
So I spent some time with my computer, like, a lot of time, and I finally created a playlist for the girls equipped with Beyonce and many other lovely songs. Sigh. One fricken moment at a time.

2010-08-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to wake up earlier to get some quiet time in the mornings but my kids just keep waking up earlier and earlier. Is this a sick joke? I get all ready with my tea and stack of books and then I hear a door creak and footsteps and "good morning mama," even before I have cracked one of my books. Haha. Such is life these days.

Sent from my phone.

2010-07-28T12:25:00.001-07:00

I cant figure it out. For 9 yrs my to do list has remained the same length.
I do, then cross off.
Then life happens, add on.
Do, cross off.
Live life, add on.

Ok. I get it. The list will always be the same damn length.

At least "buy more diapers" isn't on there anymore. Although the diaper days seem, in my mind anyway, much simpler than life now and that makes no sense to me at all.

Sigh.

Back to my list.

Sent from my phone.

Skinny Jeans and Lawn Mowers

2010-07-27T10:39:00.000-07:00

No, I cannot eat doughnuts on Sundays after church and still fit into my skinny jeans. Yes, I must work out everyday to fit into my skinny jeans. No, I cannot eat whatever I want if I want to fit into my skinny jeans. Maybe I should get a bigger pair of skinny jeans. Just a thought. But I'm too cheap for that. Not going to buy new clothes just cuz I can't control the food that goes into my mouth, down my throat, and straight to my hips.

My lawn mower (yes, it's mine, this year's bday present at my request) needed an oil change after 8 hrs of use. I pulled it out of the garage the other day to get to business on the lawn and was surprised to see a pool of dirty oil underneath. So, though a bit painful, I got out the manual and Ryan walked me through the oil changing process...and I checked the air filter too. Might be growing a mustache soon.

Maintenance is sometimes annoying, even inconvenient, but nonetheless, necessary.

2010-07-11T08:15:00.001-07:00

13 years ago my dad picked me up from my college apartment in Santa Barbara and we headed off, my younger brother in the back seat, to Lake Nacimiento.

My dad and I really hadn't spoken to each other in two years. He had done some jerk things and i, being 18 at the time, wrote him off.
But a counselor had asked me if my dad and I had any common recreational hobbies. Uh...yeah...camping, boating, lakes, etc. So the trip to Naci was planned.
The car ride was awkward but after a few minutes on the water, it all seemed normal.
Then my dad being my dad had heard about this other lake...Lake San Antonio. You could get there from Naci by way of a windy back road. We pulled the boat out and off we went.
We arrived at San Anton, and after my dad caught glimpse of the numerous trees and un-rough waters (even in the afternoon) he was hooked.
And so for 13 years we have gone on a family vacation (all siblings and husbands, one by one, and grandkids, one by one, my dad, Judy and a plethora of other fireman families) to Lake San Antonio.
My dad was the glue for our trip...the driving force. His trailer was home base. His presence was comfort.
This year we return minus my dad and minus Judy. We head up to this trip with what I can only describe as an orphan feeling.
There is nothing normal about this trip. And yet we plunge into the unknown with the hopes the carving the way toward a new normal.

"Each new day forces one to face some new and devastating dimension of the loss. It creates a whole new context for one's life."

Sent from my phone.

2010-07-03T14:32:00.001-07:00

I feel grown up to today. Maybe it's having friends who like to hang out with you as much as you like hanging out with them. Maybe it's the grass in the backyard. Maybe it's the trailer in the driveway or the fact that my kids are at an age where they crack jokes and join in with my sarcasm. Whatever the reason, it feels good.
Thank you God for all these gifts in my life.

Sent from my phone.

2010-07-02T21:19:00.001-07:00

Have you ever felt it before? That feeling of...oh man, I'm gonna lose it today at some point.
I fought it all morning, but alas, as I was leaving work this afternoon I let it flow, and flow, and flow (the tears folks, the tears). The best advice I received on "grieving," was, "feel it." I felt it today.

2010-07-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to put a mug away in the cupboard and to my surprise I found a bottle of creamer standing in line with all the other mugs.

Some days are just like that, right? Doing something but thinking completely of something else?

Yesterday was operation clean-the-house day. Pick-up-and-go-life is wonderful and without it I would be as boring (and bored I'll add) as a brick, but at some point, you have to sift through the piles and put stuff away.

I've also been hard at work on our lawn. It was seeded about four weeks ago and three days ago we were given the o.k. to mow, at which point our backyard looked like the rolling hills from up the coast somewhere. I'm about five hours into the mow job, but I think today will be the final cut and then it's maintenance after that. I love mowing the lawn though -- instant gratification. Don't care too much for the green fingernails though...haha..

2010-06-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

Being the cynical woman I am, I anticipated my dad's death for about a year. Seeing him once or often twice a week and speaking to him daily, I could easily see his gradual decline in physical wellness.
But still, I was and am utterly surprised that he is gone. Not gone-gone. But gone from my sight, my touch, my hearing.
I have good days, like today.
Then I have bad days, like Father's Day.
Death has shaken up my world...tossed me about to and fro.
Some days I am so insecure I can't even stand myself.
All part of the process of losing someone you love...losing someone who loved you.

But today is a good day and I almost feel normal. I will enjoy and savor it for who knows what tomorrow will bring.

2010-02-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

In August of 2006 I received a phone call from a woman at church asking if I would be interested in taking over the bookkeeping responsibilities for her husband's architect firm in town. My heart beat rapidly after I got off the phone and my mind raced with all the unknowns. Go back to work? Use my brain? Who would watch the kids? Within minutes I placed a phone call to my dad and step-mom (Judy) and asked if they would be interested in watching Sage every other Friday for a few hours. Without hesitation they said, "Yes!"
Every other Friday turned into every Friday and within a few weeks, Aspen (being only 8 months at the time), was going up to my dad's house along with her big sister so mom could "work."
And after a while, the kids stayed all day with my parents and Ryan and I would drive up to Upper Ojai to finish off the day with a tasty home cooked meal by Judy and treats galore handed out by my dad ("Papa").
For 3 years we have spent almost every Friday evening with my dad and Judy. I miss Fridays at my dad's house. I miss seeing my dad spoil my children rotten. My heart hurts tonight. I am so thankful for all of those Friday nights. I hope for more but I fear they are a thing of the past.
It's weird how all of a sudden you are fine and then the next moment you have tears streaming down your face and you are shuddering with an overwhelming sense of grief.
My dad is still in the hospital and each day brings about some hope and then more questions and fewer and fewer answers.
Oh God, you are the ultimate physician. May you guide these doctors serving my dad. May you grant them the wisdom and knowledge necessary to make sense of all of this.

2010-02-15T08:52:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Aspen!

My grandmother (Meema) passed away yesterday at 3:30 p.m.

My dad is still in the hospital. Lots of unknowns but the UCLA doctors are hard at work trying to find answers to where his pain is coming from.

Looking forward to enjoying today with close friends and family. : )

2010-02-07T06:30:00.000-08:00

Time seems to get lost in the hospital.

You sit. You cry. You laugh. And then you look at the clock and the day is almost over.

My sisters and brother make the time in the hospital bearable.

I am proud of my family. Proud of the way we are all using the gifts given to us to get through this.

I am proud of my dad for continuing to fight and endure such a physical and mental pain I hope to never know or experience.

Today he will undergo a procedure to hopefully relieve the blockage in his left kidney and partial blockage in his right kidney. At this point it is a weighing options game ...if we do this then this happens, but if we don't do this then this could happen.

So decisions are made and then we wait.

Today Dad, I am missing your voice.

2010-02-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for my no-wash hair.

You know, the kind of hair that can go 5 days without a good bubbly scrubbing and rinsing.

The kind of hair you can throw up in a bun when you are leaving early in the morning to meet your siblings and step-mom to discuss your dying father's kidney's...to see if perhaps they are functioning better...like this morning for example.

It's the kind of hair that looks good even if everything on the inside is hurting ... in every corner of life.

Thank you Lord for my no-wash hair.

2009-12-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

I don't know where this Winter break has gone. Well ...actually ... I know for certain that one of the nights was spent on/in front of my toilet, expunging the flu from my system. A few days were spent celebrating 5 Christmases ...yeah, FIVE! Another day was spent gutting the girls' room of unused toys to make room for all the new stuff they got from their FIVE Christmases. Spent a day working. Spent a few days packing. And will spend the rest of the weekend surrounded by my girls & husband and amazing friends! Ciao.

2009-12-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

Once in a while I throw an outfit together and it just feels good. And then I end up wearing it a couple of times throughout the week. I try not to repeat it around people I have already seen for the week ... as if anyone is actually looking at or caring what I wear. Today marks day three in the comfy outfit. Thank goodness it's been cold ...cuts down on the b.o. factor.

2009-12-11T09:15:00.000-08:00

I think there is something to beginning each day with prayer. It puts the day (the day WE have planned) into perspective and allows God's plan for the day to actually, maybe, by chance, happen. I am only three for three with this new plan of waking up each morning and praying before even my favorite tea hits my lips ...and yesterday Aspen greeted me while I was on my way to pray so my plans were redirected ...but I think that it is still a good goal.

2009-12-10T15:03:00.000-08:00

For the record, I did end up putting away my pile of clothes the other night.

This morning I woke up, drank tea, got Sage ready for school, worked out, forgot to pack Sage a lunch, told Sage she would be buying lunch today, showered, ate breakfast, worked at church for a bit, then hopped over to Sage's class to help 16 kindergartners make 16 cotton ball Santas, then back to church for a bit, then home to scarf down a pesto & chicken panini sandwhich, then back to school to pick Sage up (on bike, buggy/Aspen in tow ...with the clouds threatening rain) and now waiting for the coffee to brew so I can chug-o-lug-it and gear up for a sugar cookie decorating party at my mom's house ...she did all the prep work ...so the afternoon should be full of lots of sugar and laughter.

P.S. There is a small pile of clothes on the couch that started its growth process this morning. Ugh.

2009-12-08T21:23:00.001-08:00

I have never been good at putting my clothes away. I am good for a little while and then poof! ...a pile appears out of nowhere ; ) And once the small pile forms it's all over. Most days I transfer the pile to the bed with the hopes of putting the clothes away during the day. Nope. I just have to put the pile back on the floor when it is time for bed. And then at some point I can't find my favorite shirt or jeans or UNDERWEAR! and then I go crazy and put it all away. It's my approach to laundry. It works for me.

2009-11-25T08:26:00.000-08:00

I just got finished catching up on about 40 blog posts. My Google Reader has been sadly neglected for weeks. Cabin life has allowed me to slow down a bit and just SIT. Yesterday I didn't get out of my pj's until 1:30p.m. Then we ventured out for an amazing hike complete with beautiful sandy beaches and snow covered trails and priceless conversations with the kids. And today has already been full of lots of sitting and hopefully more adventures this afternoon : )

2009-11-14T13:45:00.000-08:00

A good friend can call you and dump her worries in your lap.

But a very very good friend will call you, dump her worries in your lap, then take a breath and ask what worries of yours she might help bare the burden of today.

Reciprocal friendship is a treasure.

Lops

2009-09-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

I walk into the living room this morning as the kids are watching Diego ...

Aspen: Mom. Loot! We are watching the one with the mommy lop, the daddy lop and the baby lop.

Me (have just woken up, no tea): ???? What ????

Sage kindly interprets: Sloth, Mom. Mommy sloth. Daddy sloth. Baby sloth.

Me: Ohhhhhhhhhh ...

Time for some tea.

2009-08-21T06:34:00.000-07:00

I just paid the bills. I am up early and feeling like I might be able to conquer the world or something like that. I go to cross off "pay bills" from my ever growing list of things to do. "Pay bills" is no where to be found. No satisfaction.

So ...the girls and I are in the car on the way home from the park yesterday and the topic of kindergarten comes up. We are 4 days and counting. Almost every Friday for 2 years both my girls have gone up to my dad's and then I go off to "work." (okay ...it's really a day off since I only work 4 hours at the most, but, whatever).

Me: Sage, tomorrow is your last day of going up to Papa's on Fridays because on Tuesday you start school!
Sage (disgruntled): I thought I got Friday's off.
Me: Um ...no honey, you will go to school Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.
Sage (still disgruntled): Do I get any days off?
Me: Yes dear, Saturday & Sunday

Too funny.

6/4

2009-06-04T05:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Sage,
Words really cannot express how much I love you. Five years ago you came into this world and transformed my life. I am so thankful that today we get to celebrate your 5th birthday and eat strawberry cake and celebrate your life. You are a beautiful and brilliant little girl. My heart is yours little one.
Love,
Mom

Song of Hope ...

2009-06-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

I ended my morning run with this song...

Song of Hope
by Robbie Seay Band

All things bright and beautiful You are
All things wise and wonderful You are
In my darkest night, You brighten up the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know that You are near is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down

All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down

Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing

Birthday Pics ...

2009-03-27T06:41:00.001-07:00

Fun Birthday!

2009-03-26T21:10:00.001-07:00

Well ... I was going to post some amazing pictures from all of my birthday festivities but the stink'n computer keeps saying, "connection interrupted ..." So ... you'll have to wait for the pics. However, the week has been amazing, despite a small case of the sniffles and sneezes. Tuesday night Ryan and I got to go for a night on the town, cruising in no less than a (borrowed) CLK Mercedes Convertible : ) We cruised Ventura until 7:15, at which point we dined at the Watermark -- which I highly recommend. Wednesday (the actual bday), we took a family trip to the Santa Barbarbara Museum of Art. The kids were facinated and it was a very fun but mellow outing. Wednesday night my sisters and mom took me out for sushi and some good laughs : ) AND ... this weekend I am heading down to L.A. to stay with a good friend for a few days -- SOLO! I will miss my husband and girls like crazy but I am so looking forward to the quiet train (YES -- I'M TAKING THE TRAIN) ride and weekend without meal making and dish cleaning : ) Off I go ...

Things we use ...

2009-03-06T08:50:00.001-08:00

So last night I was putting the dishes away and, well, you know when you try to squeeze those everyday-use serving utensils back into the utensils drawer and inevitably SOMETHING is stuck in the back of the drawer, preventing it from closing? And I say SOMETHING because you haven't looked in the back of the drawer for um ... let's just say 5 years and so you really don't know what useful items might be back there -- clogging up the drawer mechanics. SO ... I proceeded to empty and empty and empty that little drawer and Oh My Gosh! I filled an entire grocery bag worth of unused utensils ... pie servers (?), a baster, a boiled egg slicer ... hahaha, I just have to laugh thinking about it. Okay -- so what is in the drawer now? Everthing that I do in fact use: 2 spatuals, 2 wooden spoons, wine bottle opener (!), salad tongs and 2 can openers. Back to the basics.

Hanging On

2009-03-04T20:49:00.001-08:00

Just today I cleaned out yet another drawer of "stuff" that is never used but that I have kept around since (well, in this case) almost 8 years. Yep. Wedding registry gifts are somehow difficult to part with. Whoever I was when I picked out those satinny blue and off-white doily placemats ... well, that girl is gone. Not sure how those things ever made it on the registry -- but they did and I think I used them all of ... um ... 2 times. So, off they go to the thrift store. Still, I'm not sure what comfort was brought to me by hanging onto those ugly things. Today I was more than ready to part with them.

Ditch the Toys?

2009-02-01T13:49:00.001-08:00

How many toys do you really think a child needs? Lately I am thinking 2 toys + a stuffed animal might be PERFECT. This is due to my utter hatred toward picking up and putting away and picking up and putting away and so on and so forth. So ... I want to know your thoughts ... do we really need toys? What are the best kind of toys? I am reminded of Laura Rhodes (missionary in Kenya) explaining that they didn't have toys (for their 4 children), and whatever "toys" they had were handmade. So ... let the discussing begin.

I am really wondering ...

2009-01-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

...what life would look like with both a live-in maid & chef. Don't ask me why I have been thinking/dreaming/salivating over these thoughts lately. And yet so much of me is the housework and cooking and cleaning and home managing. Who would I become? Would I be more patient with the kids? Would I go out more, knowing that all is taken care of at home? Would I read to my kids more? I just keep chewing on this idea ... working it around in my head ... envisioning (or trying to) life without household duties. More interesting than my own jumbled thoughts are yours. So, please, do tell -- what would YOUR life look like? Would you enjoy it? Would you still feel like you had purpose?

Bring It!

2009-01-16T08:13:00.001-08:00

That has become the new phrase in our house ... "Bring It!" Yes, we started P90X (otherwise known as Beach Body) on Jan. 2. Today marks 2 weeks that we have survived the program. We are getting so good at all the dvds that we are thinking of making our own workout dvd series ... ha! No way! We were thinking of doing that just for laughs though because a lot of the time we look pretty hilarious. BUT -- our bodies are being challenged in ways they haven't been for years, so all is well ... and a bit sore, I might add. It's a 90 day program ... we were hoping to complete 30 days ... but what they hey? Just go for 90 and the six pack! Bring it!

Worth it!

2009-01-16T08:08:00.001-08:00

I will be paying for it later, but Ryan and I stayed up until midnight watching some fabulous youtube videos of Britain's Got Talent (show) ... which is basically American Idol with a lot more flare and excitement. You will not be disappointed....

7 Grandkids

2008-12-27T11:28:00.001-08:00

7 Grandkids under the age of 5 .....

Self Portraits

2008-12-27T11:17:00.000-08:00

My dad & I

Holly & I

Ginger & I

Ninny & I

Meema & I

I am convinced that family photos are out and self portraits are in. With 7 grandkids keeping us all busy, it is all but impossible to get our 5 siblings together for a family photo .... (sorry Jed -- missed ya!)

Merry Christmas and Merry Christmas!

2008-12-26T14:47:00.000-08:00

Well ... our 4 Christmas celebrations were wonderful. We got home from our final Christmas celebration with my mom yesterday afternoon and enjoyed a relaxing Christmas Day afternoon followed by a quiet yet delicious Christmas dinner. After dinner Martha fed all the animals and shortly after informed us that one of our pregnant goats was indeed in labor. I went to bed around 11 p.m. after helping Martha prep the goat pen for delivery (make it warmer!). "Little Fluffy Guy," (named by Sage) came around 1 a.m.

Merry Christmas!

Dead Camera

2008-12-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

A while back the lcd screen on our Cannon-Elf camera cracked. No biggie -- still took decent pictures and I enjoyed it's small size and easy-to-store-in-my-purse quality, and have still been using it for quite sometime ...even without the benefit of knowing if you caught a good pic or not. Then yesterday I took it out of my purse to take a pic and noticed the "click" button was missing. Yeah -- that's kind of the most important part of the camera -- gotta be able to push "click." I tried pushing my fingernail down the hole to see if I still might get it to work...nope! Oh well. I think I have gotten the most out of this little camera. Now it's time to save for a new one ...

I had one of those moments today ...

2008-12-11T14:52:00.000-08:00

while looking across the table at my two girls chowing down In-N-Out french fries and burgers, covered in katsup and washing it all down with a chocolate milk shake. It's one of those moments when you are overwhelmed with amazement and wonder at how quickly kids really do grow up. It's such a cliche -- "Enjoy it now -- they'll be grown up before you know it." That's usually coming from a seasoned grandmother and said to a sleep deprived mother, who thinks, "HUH?" how could THIS go by any slower than it already is? It's like my sister said a while back, while the years fly by, the days seem to pass ever so slowly. So, I had my moment today. And I'm sure I'll have many, many more.

I'm not an architect ...

2008-12-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

I am a bookkeeper for an architect, but actually designing structures?? -- nope! We assembled a gingerbread house at my mom's tonight along with two graham cracker houses (shacks, really). After lots of laughs and some frustration over a crooked frame and a slipping roof, we finished it! The girls did all of the decorations with little help from me. I felt sick from eating so much icing ... can't even imagine what they feel like since they ate the icing by the spoonfuls in between samplings of the candies. All good fun.

Christmas Fun

2008-12-10T13:29:00.001-08:00

Christmas cookie fun! We are having fun making Christmas crafts and baking and eating and then exercising most of it off : ) Yes -- that's a Christmas Tree made out of sugar cookies. My mom had the cookie cut-outs for it, so we made it for a party I attended last week. That was fun and funny to make. It only toppled over a couple of times before I removed a few layers so it would stay upright.
I am so enjoying the crisp, cool weather lately. We have been going on lots of walks -- well, really it's me sprinting after Sage who speeds on her bicycle down the bike path and me pushing Aspen in the jogger, dog in toe, trying to keep up! We live in a truly beautiful place here. We stop for a snack and break half way through our walk and the mountain view is breathtaking.
We have really scaled back our Christmas consumerism this year which has made the entire season wonderfully relaxing.

I am ready...

2008-11-22T21:56:00.000-08:00

...to be sitting by the campfire, bundled up, eating marshmallows and sipping wine. Dumont is here and I am so glad that 99% of the packing and planning is finished. I would show you my list and check marks and scribbles but you might actually get a little nauseated. I do. Anyhoo. I hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving holiday! See ya!

Burp Cloths for Jake

2008-11-18T19:58:00.000-08:00

I love being an auntie. My youngest nephew was born just over a week ago and I still have yet to see him. I tried to go see him on Saturday but the fires prevented travel. I am hoping I get to see him tomorrow and am excited to gift him (and my sister) with these darn special burp cloths! I found this pattern on-line and was actually successful in executing it -- that's always a plus after all the cutting and sewing.

Similes

2008-11-12T19:37:00.000-08:00

**Note** Before this wonderful little conversation, I used to be the "most beautiful mom in the world."

Sage: Mom, do you know how beautiful you are?
Me (smiling ... ready for the normal "most beautiful mom in the world," response): How beautiful?
Sage: As beautiful as a booger.

So ...

2008-11-12T19:31:00.001-08:00

...this is what life is like when your kids stop taking naps. I always wondered when this day would come and what it would look like. Over the summer the late bed times (9 ... sometimes 10) weren't a problem. In the summer you don't eat dinner until 8 anyway, so 9 or 10 doesn't seem too bad. Then comes day-light-savings, otherwise known as -- moms going crazy with their kids in the house, in the dark from 5 until bed time : ) Anyways ... the naps were causing painful bedtime routines ... too many empty threats to "xy &z, if you don't ab&c RIGHT NOW!" So, no more naps for the girls. The day is a little longer. Although I have the kids watch a show for about 1 hr in the middle of the day so I can get a little break. But you wanna know something fabulous? It is 7:35 pm and the house is quiet and peaceful. I am thinking this is going to be o.k.

The Vote

2008-11-04T20:38:00.001-08:00

Which might better be stated, The Historic Vote. Because it is, isn't it? Even while our economy spirals downward, people cheer for the hope that is to come with the newly elected president.

I voted today ... walked down the street to the grange hall. Got my sticker too. Used the sticker to get a free coffee at Starbucks : )

McCain's defeat speech: 2 Thumbs Up
Booing audience: 2 Thumbs Down

Waiting ... waiting for Obama to make his entrance ...

I am very impatient!

Rated R

2008-11-03T16:20:00.001-08:00

I had my annual check-up today. I don't completely dread the pap-smear. Well, maybe I do. You'd think after having two kids ... well, I won't go x-rated, but you get the drift. ANYWAYS ... the funniest part was the paper towel "gown." Yeah -- after undressing, you get to put on two paper towel material pieces -- one looks barely like a shirt and the other one is just a big ole Brawny. Oh, and let's not forget the shirt looking one is completely open in the front to allow for the breast examination ... Do men have annual exams? Hmmmm ....

So ...

2008-10-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

I am stoked about our "new" fridge. It is a hand-me-down from my aunt and Ryan's pretty sure it's a 90's model. The thing is huge! Double doors, tall and wide. And ... a bottle of wine fits in it standing upright -- cuz that's the most important thing -- the wine. Haha ... No seriously, I am enjoying that everything fits into this fridge with room to spare : )

Flock

2008-10-25T11:25:00.001-07:00

Ryan set me up with Flock (flock.com). If you are an organizer like me and would like to blog, FB, check email, check blogger, (do anything), from ONE location, you will LOVE it! As always ... why have I gone so long without this gloriously efficient internet tool?

Couldn't Ditch the Boppy

2008-10-25T11:22:00.001-07:00

So we have been doing some cleaning around the house and lots of stuff has made it to the thrift store. Yesterday I brought a large load of give-aways and amongst it was my boppy -- which has lasted two kids, lots of late nights, spit-up and much more. And I couldn't detach myself from it -- just yet. This odd feeling of anxiety came over me at the thought of parting with the 3/4 doughnut shaped pillow (I had the cloud pattern). So, I didn't part with it. I'll find room somehwere to store it until I am ready to let go of it someday.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

My Parents ...

2008-10-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

watched the girls for us on Monday. We brainstormed about what we should do with all of our free time (9 or so hours ...). Ventura was a thought ... but then I am a psycho list maker (and crosser-offer) and I would want to run errands to make the most of our trip, so we scratched Ventura. We ended up just staying local and it was amazing! We hung out at Coffee Connection for a bit, then rode bikes into Ojai for lunch, wandered around the arcade and then rode back home to catch up on some of our shows. The time went by so fast ... it always does. The best part was how relaxing the entire day was ... well ... until we picked up the kids and you know how all of that goes : )

Well ...

2008-10-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting outside right now while the girls explore with their flash lights and I get to catch the last glimpse of a beautiful sunset.
I am contemplating running to the store to get some milk because we are out ... but that sounds like a lot of work right now, so I guess that's a no.
I can't even think of anything witty or interesting to blog about ... so this is more of a face book type entry ... bare with me through this dry season of blogging.

Fall Line ...

2008-09-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I don't think Disney will be calling me to design their fall line for the Disney Princesses ... but I was pleased as punch with how these dresses turned out. Ariel had gone naked too long ... it was time to clothe her properly. And once Ariel had a new dress, then Cinderella wanted one too. Thank goodness they sew up pretty quickly -- all without a pattern even : )

Fun!

2008-09-21T22:44:00.001-07:00

So I know it's not Halloween yet ... but ...

This is like a dream come true for Sage ... Ariel!!!

Fun play date with friends : )

"Kitty"
Sage, 4

I just love ...

2008-09-20T15:10:00.001-07:00

...busy and adventure-filled days like these ones. Woke up early to watch the sunrise and go on a photo shoot with Ryan. (I know, sounds professional, huh dear?) Then was treated to lunch at the Emporium ... Mmmmmmmmmm. Then went on a hike with my girls. And to top it off, Ryan fed and put the girls to bed and I took a nap : ) I just love days like these.

Bible Stories

2008-09-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

(During lunch at the kitchen table ...)

Me: Girls, what did you learn at church today?
Aspen: Mean dolphin, that was a mean dolphin
Me: A dolphin, huh?
Sage: We learned about Noah ... he didn't die in the whale ...
Me: Oh ... you mean you learned about Jonah and the whale?
Sage: Yeah ....
Aspen: Mean dolphin, mean dolphin.

Wander Pets

2008-09-03T14:47:00.001-07:00

Sage: Dad, I know why they are called the "Wonder Pets."
Dad: Really?
Sage: Yeah, they are called that because they wander around everywhere.

I am a paradox

2008-08-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

Okay ... so my reading list is ever so long and I am just now starting a book Ryan read 4 years ago, but nevertheless, it seems like the right timing. Brennan Manning (The Ragamuffin Gospel) honestly admits, "...I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer." Somehow I was comforted and scared by this honest statement.

Stuff Mart

2008-08-28T15:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I reorganized my kitchen cabinets. Just because, you ask? Nope. I needed to make room for more stuff! As I was reorganizing I came across a cookbook I was given years ago (Dining on a Dime Cook Book). It actually has lots of wonderful tips on how to save money as a home manager, and it also included a chapter on the importance of de-cluttering your home. She says, "Get rid of the junk you don't need. Half of what you have piled on the floor, the bed, the counter tops, and on your furniture is either trash or something you don't need." Isn't that the truth? Even before reading that statement I was in a de-cluttering mood and now ... watch out STUFF - out you go! And all this stuff talk reminds me of that catchy tune from that Veggie Tales with Madame Blueberry .... yeah, you know which one I'm talking about -- it's like a rap tune or something.

Planes, trains, subways and much more ...

2008-08-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

N.Y. City was amazing. Although overwhelming at first, we eventually fell in love with the crowded streets, mass mix of culture and amazing night-life. We toured most of the popular sites, but most enjoyed hanging out at Union Square until 2 a.m. our last night in the City.
The wedding was fun and emotional. Sage twirled until 11pm, never once getting dizzy. While putting her to bed at midnight, she complained, "Mom, my legs hurt." Yuh think?
Flight back to L.A. was long, esp. after only 3 hours sleep. Slept most of the day Saturday and then woke up with enough energy to do some laundry and pack for Hume Lake.
Camp was amazing! My parents were more than awesome with the girls which allowed Ryan and I to work together -- which was so so so so fun.
And now we are back ... and I am so enjoying this day without any agenda or time schedule. The house is a mess and I could care less. We are home and we have been blessed beyond measure over the past two weeks. God is good indeed.
Some day I'll post more pictures ... maybe.

Retirement

2008-08-03T22:58:00.001-07:00

My dad retired from the L.A. City Fire Department just last month ... I love this picture -- so much emotion.

Pismo.New York.Hume.Home

2008-08-03T07:47:00.001-07:00

Alas the bachelor party (Pismo) has come and gone and N.Y. has arrived -- tomorrow to be exact. My list is getting crossed off ... just the last minute things are left. A mix of emotions has overcome me ... excited, anxious, curious, oh, and absolutely sick of packing (is that an emotion?). We fly back Saturday only to launder our clothes and re-pack them for Hume on Sunday for another adventurous week. Whirlwind.

Lake San Antonio Trip 2008

2008-07-20T13:16:00.001-07:00

Cousins : )

Sage wakeboarding with Ryan

Sage sailing with Uncle Jed

Aspen very very tired.

Okay ... it was just a sip ...

2008-07-11T22:05:00.000-07:00

Spinning ball

2008-07-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

Kate gave us her old Mac computer ... it's the model that came out in all those cool neon colors ... green, pink, etc. The one she gave us is orange. Tonight I was loading a movie to watch and the "spinning beach ball of death," popped up ... and Sage appropriately says, "That means it's frozen mom." I am sure she'll be surpassing my mediocre computer skills in a few days.

Proud

2008-07-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

I watched yesterday as Sage rode her bike (w/out training wheels) around and around and around ... needless to say, we are proud. We have some pictures and video that I might getting around to posting ... but for now, just had to write about this is exciting moment.

5:40 A.M.

2008-07-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

is about the time my kids have been waking up lately. I'm tired ...

The thin spot ...

2008-07-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

Lately I have felt restless. That the is best word I can think of to describe my state. I have been excusing this feeling away by telling myself that it's summer and things are just a bit slower and less busy and so on and so forth. I find myself wanting to do everything and yet wanting to do nothing all in the same moment. There have even been moments of depression ... feeling down ... feeling lost.

When Henri Nouwen, chaplain of 9 years, was granted a 12-month sabbatical his first journal entry read ...

I have always dreamt about a whole year without appointments, meetings, lectures, travels, letters, and phone calls, a year completely open to let something radically new happen. But can I do it? Can I let go of all the things that make me feel useful and significant? I realize that I am quite addicted to being busy and experience a bit of withdrawal anxiety. I have to nail myself to a chair and control these wild impulses to get up again and become busy with whatever draws my attention.

I have not been making time to experience God in the "thin spots," ... that thin area where heaven and earth meet ... where God is fully present and realizable ... And like always I sit and wonder, "Why am I feeling like this?" instead of getting on my hands and knees and getting close to my creator who's cup truly fills my day (or should anyway). Our schedule has slowed down for the summer, and yet I find myself restless instead of rested.

So ...

2008-06-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

...last week my mom and I decided to take the girls to the SB zoo. She had been wanting to take them on the train, so we decided she would take the girls on Amtrak and I would pick them up at the train station and then go onto the zoo from there. I boarded the train in Ventura JUST to take a picture of the girls and as I turned to start heading for the exit, I looked out the window and slowly watched the train stop (and my car -- illegally parked) fade away into the distance -- yeah, I got stuck on the train! Everything ended up working out ... but I must admit that I am not a big fan of public transportation. Something about the waiting around and not having control drove me a little nuts. Hmmm ... probably need to stuck on a train again.

Inspirationless

2008-06-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

Is that even a word? Not a whole lot of inspiration for the blog lately. Is it a summer-heat thing? Is the blogging thing loosing it's luster? And then even as I write this I think, ah, whatever, don't need to post that ... Writer's block maybe. Oh well ..

Celebrations ...

2008-06-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

Gradutation ... bridal shower ... wedding ... all in one weekend. Life is rich and full.

Sage's Birthday

2008-06-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

We had a great day yesterday celebrating Sage's 4th Birthday!! Here is a link to the photos ....

Courting a Disney Princess

2008-06-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

Just wondering ... what is the average courting period for a Disney princess and her prince charming? Sage and I were watching The Little Mermaid the other day and I always grumble inside when Ariel's fish, bird and crab friends are trying to get Eric to kiss her after only knowing her for 1 day -- AND -- Ariel doesn't even have a voice. All her little animal friends are actually disappointed ...
Anyhow. So, if I count the 3 days that Ariel is on land (after she gains some legs at the cost of loosing her voice), and maybe a few days prior to that, the total courtship is about 5 days. What about Cinderella, Belle, Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Snow White ... etc.?

Gotta love the Internet

2008-05-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

I don't think I watched one single episode of Brother's & Sister's for the entire '08 season and all I had to do was watch the season finale on the Internet and now I am all caught up. Doesn't get much better than that!

Ice Cream

2008-05-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

Cory gifted us with 4 pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream Monday night after homegroup. My favorite so far is Mint Chocolate Cookie. Oh my ... it is really quite amazing. I have threatened to toss the pints into the sink and drown them in water various times, but I just can't bring myself to waste such amazing ice cream. Now I remember why I don't by the little pint sized ice creams -- they are way too good to stop eating after just a 1/2 cup ...

: - 1

2008-05-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

Some links to further our blogging communication ....

http://www.netlingo.com/smiley.cfm

http://www.fingertek.com/smilies.htm

Anniversary

2008-05-22T20:50:00.001-07:00

Celebrating 7 years of marriage : )

Knowing is Loving

2008-05-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

It is no wonder that God not only loves me unconditionally, but everyone else in the world too. He knows me. He knows my story, my mistakes, my joys, my sorrows, my ups & downs, and my good and bad decisions. He knows that I wake up every morning and crave a hot cup of tea. He knows that I list my way through life, crossing off accomplishments as I go. He knows my heart and all of the desires of that blood pumping organ.
How much easier is it to love people when we know them? I wish everyone had a little conversation bubble above their heads which gave a brief snapshot of their lives ... and maybe a statement about how they were feeling at that very moment. How much more compassion would I have for others if I actually knew their story instead of inferring my own for them?

Weeds ...

2008-05-21T21:50:00.000-07:00

Sage and I were weeding in the front yard today during which she asked the profound question ...

Mom, why did God send the weeds?

No Internet

2008-05-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

Well, no, I haven't been avoiding you all. Our Internet was down over the past week so I have been a little out of it. Glad to be back in-touch.

Daddy and Daughters Day One

2008-05-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

Guest Blogger: Daddy Ryan!

This weekend, the nursery is all mine. At 10:41am Amber left, and it's just me and the girls for the next two and half days. As Aspen would say, "It's no biggie."

Today we met Todd, Elijah (4) and Lincoln (1) for a morning of adventure.

We met up at a secret location and took the kids on an adventure that I doubt they will they soon forget.

We took them on a journey through 8 ft. high weeds, over a creek, under tunnels made by the trees & past huge boulders, in search of a cave that I hadn't been to in over 10 years.
Sage made it most of they way, Aspen and

Lincoln were held the entire way, and Elijah ran, jumped, and basically somersaulted as he blazed a path for the rest of us to follow.
The thistles were HUGE, & we most likely walked through tons of poison oak, but then, through the brush, looking like something out of an Indiana Jones movie, we saw a giant rock in which the cave was hewn. We made our way up the creek so we could climb inside.

Then, after tromping back through the poison oak, thistle, and weeds, we made it to the trucks and headed off to eat Ojai Ice Cream in the Gazebo at Libby Park.

We made it back to the house just in time for naps, where we all took long naps.

Now I'm just praying that none of us wake up tomorrow with itchy rashes.

Update: No poison oak, just ticks!

Something in the air ...

2008-04-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

I am a broken record and this is my most recent song ...

Sage, share.
Aspen, please do not scream.
Sage, you can't just take a toy from your sister's hand ... you need to at least ask first.
Aspen ... do I need to count? 1 ....2 ....3 ....4....
Aspen, please ask nicely.
Sage, share!

Repeat it a few times, changing the tone from polite to not so nice and you might even be able to sing along with me ...

Some other moms have shared that they are struggling through the same thing this week. Something must be in the air. Whatever it is, I wish it would blow away -- fast!

I de-cluttered the house today ...

2008-04-13T14:36:00.000-07:00

...which is a funny statement considering I have never pegged myself as a clutter-type person. But, over time, when things aren't put away where they are supposed to, clutter just happens. The kids have been gone all weekend camping with their grandpa, so I thought I would take advantage of my freedom and do some spring cleaning. I can breathe again.

A phone call away ...

2008-04-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dropping to my knees in prayer has never been part of my life -- until now. Growing up I was always very content with "horizontal prayer," (i.e. laying in my bed, praying, sometimes dozing off). Which is still a great way to pray and makes up some of my prayer time, but, in our most recent women's bible study, Beth Moore, as crazy and wordy as she is, urged me to truly and actively Believe God, part of which (for me anyway), was getting the lowest I could and crying out to God, knowing that He hears my every cry and request.
During the study I was working through some personal dilemmas and was led to drop to my knees in prayer. I say "led" because I didn't feel like I had a choice in the matter. Now, of course, I did because of free will and all of that, but you get what I am saying.
Okay ... why, oh why am I rambling on about my praying habits? Get on with it, Amber.
Well, you see, since these "drop-on-my-knees" prayers started, I seriously feel like God is just a phone call away. I feel a real sense of relationship ... the one I always sing about but don't always feel. And I have to say that I am more than exited at this new change in my spiritual life. It, like my workout routine, often needs change and uprooting in order for further growth to occur.

Active

2008-04-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

Ever since my bike ride down Sulfer Mountain my eyes have been open to alternative activities to running. I have ran my entire life and have somehow managed to make it to the gym at least two times a week since I was 17 and had come back from 2 months in Mexico and desperately needed to shed the extra cheese and beans from my body ...
It's been way too many years of the same regime. Time for an impeachment. We traded our single bike buggy for our friend's double buggy and today was my first try at "going to Von's for bread." Huh? I told Ryan the other day that I wanted to start riding my bike as much as I could ... even to go to Von's and get bread. After Von's, we flew back down the bike trail (going home is a breeze), and went a little further to Old Baldwin Road (hwy 150) to buy some fruit from Mr. Produce (is that really his name?). We picked fresh mangos, strawberries, bananas and apples -- all of which fit in the buggy.
Daily activity is a good thing.

Bullets

2008-03-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind for me. There were and are so many blog-worthy moments and ideas ... but alas, I settle for bullet points.

- Went to Easter sunrise service, sung Easter hymns at nursing homes, came home to sleep and recoup and ate egg scramble, ham steaks and cinnamon rolls for Easter dinner.
- Was whisked away by my sister's on my 30th birthday (3/25) to get a massage, go out to lunch and get manicures and pedicures. Then finished off the night with more shopping with the hubby and a fabulous dinner at TGIF's : )
- Recouped on Wednesday (all that pampering was exhausting!)
- Worked on Thursday and then got to go shopping again for an outfit to wear to my official 30th birthday party. (shopping without the kids -- yeah! thanks mom!)
- Went to the Ranch House on Friday night with family and friends to celebrate my 30th. What a magical night ...

Other highlights ....
- Watched the movie, Trade. A must see, but hard on the heart and soul.
- Had a date day with Sage ... strawberry ice cream and gallery shopping downtown. She kept thanking me for taking her out ... guess I need to do that a lot more often!
- My dad underwent his first round of radiation on Thursday (he has undergone various chemo-therapy treatments but his new doctor wanted to go forward with the radiation).
- Found out my little sister is pregnant! Makes for 7 grandkids in 4 years!! Go sistas!
- Went to the women's tea with my mom today -- we never get mom/daughter time, so that was pretty special.

Now I am up to date!

Don't finish the novel ...

2008-03-18T08:24:00.001-07:00

Pastor Paul encouraged us this week "not to finish the novel." Huh? He was talking about holy week and the events leading up to Jesus' death, including the death itself. He said, "Stop! Linger, wallow and experience the crucifixion of Christ this entire week, and don't go any further until Easter morning." He argued that without meditating on what occurred before the resurrection, how can we feel the full joy of the resurrection itself? So I got out my bible yesterday morning and read Mathew's account of the events leading up to the resurrection. I am hoping to read Mark's view today and then Luke's, etc. Still, it is difficult to find that quiet time to really reflect upon this entire subject, esp. with kids running around, snacks, lunch, dinner, etc. to be prepared, dishes to be cleaned, etc. But, God knows this. He knows everything. Hey, if you get a chance, come to the labyrinth, hosted by OVCC. If it doesn't get you into the mood I am not sure what else will.

www.ovcc.org

F.I.N.E.

2008-03-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Freaked Out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

I was at the OBGYN today and a woman sitting in the waiting room was quietly crying. After a while she was called into see the doctor. I happened to look up when she was re-entering the waiting room. Fresh tears filled her eyes. She left the office swiftly and within 5 seconds I decided to follow after her. I caught her just as she was getting into her car and from a distance I said, "Excuse me, are you okay?" She had her cell phone up to her ear, but she responded, "Yes, I am fine."
I don't know what news she received. A possible miscarriage? Perhaps the loss of hope of having children at all? Whatever the news, nothing about her was "fine."
Of course, I am a stranger, so maybe, "I'm fine," seemed pretty appropriate. Whatever the case, it broke my heart to see this woman in pain and I pray God's healing on her heart.

Craigslist is Trafficking

2008-03-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Craigslist is serving as a portal for human trafficking? Here is the article. Here is the main website to learn more. Awareness is the first step.

Sulfur Mountain

2008-03-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

I have lived here all of my life and still never made the long bike-ride down Sulfur Mountain -- until yesterday. Cory set me up with a bike, gloves and helmet and Ryan drove us to the top of the mountain so we could make the downhill ride. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous were our views. Seriously, the ocean and greenery (even the cows, mules and horses) were amazing. We didn't stop to take any pics ... we were going to fast to stop! Hahaha ... j/k. Oh, and we were going to have Ryan pick us up at the bottom, but that didn't work out so then we got a killer glute work-out riding up the path back into Ojai : ) Ryan looked it up and I think it was a 15 mile ride ... no wonder I am so tired. Here's the link to flickr.

New word

2008-03-07T21:15:00.000-08:00

Diarena, commonly known as Diarrhea. Sage's newest word to date.

I'm Sorry

2008-03-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

I have had to say that phrase a lot lately. And yet today (while I was again saying it to none other than my mom) I realized that when I utter those words I feel the truth of what it means to die to yourself. In an apology ( not an "I'm sorry, BUT" apology) , I am humbled, I am broken, I am wrong, and whatever I was I don't want to be again.

The tally of my apologies this week ....

To Ryan: I am sorry that my words to you this week have been unkind.
To Sage: I am sorry that I lost my temper and yelled.
To my Mom: I am sorry that we got in a tiff this morning.

Where would I be without God's redemptive love and forgiveness? Somewhere very far from true joy and happiness.

High Heels

2008-02-28T11:24:00.000-08:00

So ... you have to do it once in your lifetime ... right? I bought these heels for a party that Ryan and I went to in Orange County. I gained many inches in height and some serious foot aches ... all worth it, though. Look out, I think I will be getting a lot of use out of these.

Disneyland

2008-02-19T20:58:00.001-08:00

We went to Disneyland on Monday. It was crowded but still a lot of fun. Thanks again Monica for taking us! (my good friend who can take 3 people in for free to the park because she works for ABC). Here are the rest of the photos.